i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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