just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
