I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
