i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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