This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
