Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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