the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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