Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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