Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
