Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm lost and stupid without you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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