An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
