im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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