So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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