If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize