Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
