idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I enjoy the company of your penis
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
