I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
