i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and she was petting her beer can
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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