I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
