The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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