pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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