I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Vodka?
Forever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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