Nicole vs. Life
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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