Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
