Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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