I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
