did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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