We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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