Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
