That's intense
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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