it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
wow bdsm is so cute
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
