I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
