....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize