dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I touched a dick in church today
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
