someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize