Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
