I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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