There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
