Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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