Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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