I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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