I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
