I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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