Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
