I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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