My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
