Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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