jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
