I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i've created a new STD.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
