I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
