So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize