If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
