chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize