I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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