first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize