I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
