sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize