Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
