from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
