Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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