I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
