Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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