We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
